No Exit

When I came to this hospital I was not scared. My mother accompanied me, and left me here to be cured. But tell me, how do I get cured when I am not sick, when I have never been sick?

There is a drunk security guard at the gate, with a knobkerrie. There is a fat nurse at the door with a syringe. And there is me in between, scared.

My mother spoke to the nurse, requesting her to give me water when I am thirsty, and cover me when I am cold. This never happened!

I continue to be in this hospital, and I continue to love my mother.

My mother is a principal and owns a shop. She is a law abiding citizen and a devoted Christian. I love my mother.

When I was young she used to take me to the park and sing for me. When I was nine years old she sang a long song for me. Before she could finish it I was already fast asleep.

There is a drunk security man at the gate, and there is a fat nurse at the door. What are they doing? I suspect the fat nurse is a girl friend of the drunk security guard. But what do they want from me? Why me?

I am an innocent man. I don’t rape babies and grannies; I don’t steal chickens; I don’t fuck around with other people’s husbands or wives; I don’t eat rats, I don’t eat shit; I don’t mix dagga with mandrax; I don’t … I never had sex with a pig, or a donkey or a fly or a, or a … In fact, I NEVER HAD SEX!!! Why should I have sex when I have no parents? When I am still wetting my bed, when I live in a box, when I lost my only penis (he cries)

(after crying for about 30 seconds he continues) There is a drunk security guard at the gate, with a knobkerrie. There is a fat nurse at the door with a syringe. In between, there is me and my dog, Puppy. Puppy is a bull-dog, a brown bull-dog with a fluffy tail. My white employer gave me this dog. He loved it, he fed it, and he washed it. When he gave it to me, he cried. This dog does not eat bones, does not eat vegetables, does not eat human shit, or dog shit. For that matter, my dog does not eat. This dog is a virgin. This dog and I are virgins.

My dog does not bark at night, does not chase cats, does not lick stinking feet of strangers. Yes, my dog does not invade dustbins, does not lick the behinds of female dogs, and does not bark at moving cars. My dog does not swat flies, does not sleep outside and does not attack fleas, all because my dog is a born again dog.

There is a drunk nurse at the gate, with a knobkerrie. There is a fat security guard at the door with a syringe. What are they doing? What really are they doing?

Yesterday I did not sleep, I was thinking hard about this nurse, a security guard and their love affair. Suddenly the door was flung open, and I heard shuffled foot steps, thus I raised my head to investigate. I saw a boy who was accompanied by his mother. The mother signed some things, and had a small chat with the nurse. Then the boy was led to his bed. Before he was led to his bed, the nurse unclothed him. Took his clothes and put them in a brown plastic bag, then gave him white and blue-striped wrinkled pyjamas.

That boy, who came here walking on his two feet, did not wake up, he died at night. So I asked, what is wrong with this place? What is wrong in this place?

I phoned my mother. The phone rang, and rang and rang … NO REPLY.

My mother is a matron in a big hospital. She is also a president of a female section in our church. My mother is a dedicated community member who helps the limping and those with hoarse voices.

There is a drunk nurse at the gate, with a syringe. There is a fat security guard at the door with a knobkerrie, and there is me in between.

I have been in this place forever, no food, no girl friend, no music, and no hope.

I miss my girl friend, Lucy. She is a beautiful girl. She used to touch me, play with my thing, and I would touch her, look at her, and smile. One day, Lucy and I went behind a broken truck, below a truck, and on top of it. She taught me how to do this (demonstrating how to do sex). She climbed on top of me while I was on top of a truck. She took my thing and inserted it there, and went up and down, as if going to hell and back, while I was on my back on top of a truck. I love Lucy!

There is something wrong about this place. The pap they cook here has no water, no salt and no mielie meal. Something big is wrong.

There is writing on the wall, NO EXIT!!!

What? No Exit? … Why? … Why?

Yikaka yendawo moss le!

I miss my dog. I miss Lucy. I miss my mother.

NO EXIT. (He cries)

I am going to tell my mother about this. My mother is a police captain. Her uniform is decorated with three stripes and a gold star. When she enters the police station, everyone stands up and salute.

One day my mother held a thug legs up and head down. She bang his head on a concrete floor six times. Everyone ululated and clapped hands vigorously. That thug never robbed again – he died. From such an act of bravery my mother got promoted.

I love this place!

There is a drunk nurse at the gate with a knobkerrie, and there is a fat security guard at the door with a syringe. No! No!! NO!!! Something is wrong. Who is guarding us and who is nursing us?

How can I escape when there s a writing on the wall that says No Exit? Who is nursing me?