Umfudisi Ufuna Umntwana

(The story is about a born again priest who is so longing to have a child, but there is an issue to be discussed and concluded first)

Scene One

(The priest is visiting his church mate, who is also his friend, at the taxi rank)

Mfundisi:
Tyhini mzalwane, kunjani mfoka Thixo?

Friend:
Mfundisi wam. Emandleni alowo wasifelayo akukho nto. Sisafihliwe phantsi kwelo phiko lisikhusela nokuba uSathana selegquba okukwe nkenkwe efuna isiko.

Mfundisi:
Mkhulu uYesu mzalwane.

Ndingalibelanga kakhulu, kaloku ndisabambe kule bible school ilapha etown, nto nje bendithe mandizosabela ndoda kaThixo. Kwenzeke ntoni na mzalwane malunga nalangozi?

Friend:
(slightly angry) Mthanjiswa wenkosi, uSathana uphuma nakuma kroba angange ntloko yenaliti. Kaloku le ntwana ingu sbari ibisuka kwi graduation emonti. Xa igqitha kula magope aseNciba, gqi isiphekepheke semoto emnyama, ingqale ngqo kule yabo. Bazamile ukuphepha, udriver lo wabo eyizama imoto, yatyibilika yayobetheka edongeni lendlela. Ngenxa yemfefe zalo Yesu usithweleyo mfundisi, akubangakho zingxwelerha apho. Nabo balaliswayo eGcuwa baphume ngoMvulo.

Mfundisi:
Mzalwane, ingweletshetshe yezulu mayidunyiswe. USathana yinkwenkwana enxibe iblukhwe emfutshane, ehla inyuka ifuna indawo yokudlalela. Akanamandla uSathana mzalwane, kodwa akayeki ukuzama.
Yini mzalwane ukuphoswa yinkonzo ibishushu ngolwahlobo ngenxa yesihelegu sangabom.

Ibintle into ebipha! Zintyilozile intombi zeenkonzo. Bangqungqile omama besambatho, zingayeka into ezinkulu ukungqokola kuhle – ndithi khawukhangele (demonstrating in a form of a dance by an old man, singing). Ibingathi indlu yenkonza ingawa mfoka Thixo. Mhle uYesu Mzalwane. UYesu phayana usibonakalise ukuba ungu Simakade ongajikiyo.
Ndithi mzalwane, uYesu akajiki, akaxoki, akoyiki. Abantwana benkonzo bebezengendlu yabo, beqhuba iimoto zabo. Bekunge bhasi phaya, moto, bakkie, khumbi, ndibala ntoni – zonke izeza bantwana benkonzo.
UYesu Mzalwana imiqondiso uyenzo ilanga lihlabe umhlaba!

Imali ibethiwe kula nkonzo. Iqale ukubethwa ebusuku emva kwenkonzo yabafundisi. Kuthe xa kuqala inkonzo yolutsha, kwatsha ibhayi. Ibethwe imali kwasa gede! Mzalwane, intlele into ebiphaya.

Kuqaliwe ukubalwa lomali xa ilanga liqala ukukroba emafini. Ibalwe lo mali laqina ilanga selelikekelela ukugoduka. Ababalayo batshintshana kuhle ukuya kwi lunch mzalwane. Zange ndiyibone imali engakaya. R5 000, ibethwe nge mini enye??
Andiyamkeli nge nyanga iR5000.

Mzalwane:
Mfundisi, pheza ngoku. Undenza ndifune ukubuyisa olwasuku khonukuze ndikwazi ukuya kulangqungquthela (some one calls the friend, tell him that his taxi is full). O’, Mfundisi, sele igcwele nale taxi. Masiphinde sibonane sicaka esihle sezulu
Exeunt

Scene two
(Priest’s wife and mother discuss about the church and the fact that the priest’s wife does not have a child)

Mother:
(singing gospel song happily. She stops to call her daughter). Ncebakazi! Ncebakazi!! Ncebsi!

Ncebakazi:
(Responding). Mama. Yhini ukundikhwaza kangaka Jolinkomo. Awuboni Majola phofu (Inkwakha)? Ingathi kanti ufuna ukundibonisa amawenu.

Mother:
Sukugeza apha. Uyayazi ukuba oko ndasindiswa ndayeka ukukholwelwa kwe zonto. Ndingathini ukumane ndifikelwa yinyoka? Yohlukanjani le nyoko kule yahendana uEfa emyezweni?

Ncebakazi:
Bendiqhula Jolinkomo? Undibizela ntoni ke mama wam

Mother:
Ndifuna undijongele ukuba injani le lokhwe.

Ncebakzai:
(analyzing) Hayi intle mama. Ukuba ubusemtsha ngendisithi uyi designer enzima. Yazi le pattern abantu abaninzi abakwazi ukuyenza.

Mother:
Into ebetha abantwana belixesha umntu ufuna ukwenza la nto ayifundiswe esikolweni, angakwazi ke ngoku ukugqitha. Mna ndiyayi jonga nje into ndiyazi. Jonga la uniform ibinxitywe yi kwayari

Ncebakazi:
Mama, awuna idea. People were like, wow! Ndithande la frill i gold and lime. That was awesome. (slight pause)
Iculile ikwari mama.

Mother
(interjecting) Iculile la kwari jealous down. Ibethiwe imali ngamabantla. Xa umntu omnye akwazi ukubetha i R200! Kaloku iphantse ukuba yi mali yesondlo sabantwana leyo!

Nonceba:
Zibethiwe izipho mama

Mother:
Uthini ngo NoThemba? Ubethe isitovuka endiqondayo ukuba usithenge emonti. Isitovu esinamavili!!

Nonceba:
(interjecting) Sine built in oven. Kuthiwa sisebenza nge gas

Mother:
Esiyana, singasebenza nanga ntoni na. Umbane ungangena phaya. Iparaffin ingangena, phofu neenkuni.

Nonceba:
Njengokuba uNoThemba enikele ngesitovukazi esingakaya, yintoni awakhe wanikela ngayo kulo wakhe umfundisi? Ayikokuzenza betere kwesilambi lento ayenzileyo?

Mother:
Ndambona enikela ngomrhaji wengubo ngenye imini.

Nonceba:
Unyanisile! Rha, ubathatha cheap abantu uNoThemba.
Wayaphi khona lo mrhaji wakhe, kuba andisawuboni?

Mother:
Tyhini! Awujongi moss. Yintoni le usula kuyo inyawo xa ungena phaya ekitshini?

Nonceba:
O’ Mama, uyayibaxa. Ude uwubeke ekitshini umrhaji ka Thesh

Mother:
Uthi Thesh kula nto inemixhadi ngathi icima amasele. Ndifuna ukumfumana kule veki. Uyabona njengokuba kuzakuphehlelelwa abantwana, lo wakhe umntwana akazukusi fumana isitifketi. Uzakuza uNothemba azokusilanda apha. Ndifuna afike umrhaji wakhe upha emnyango, ukakelwe ziinkukhu.

Nonceba:
Hayi mama suku ngcola.

Mother:
Hayi ntoni? Uyayazi ukuba la nto iyakuhleba.

Nonceba:
Hayi! Uthini?

Mother:
Wena umane usithi Tesh ebantwini babe bona bekutya izithende. Uzakuqabuka sele uhamba nge peyinti xa ungena ngqondo.

UNothemba uthi awuzali. Lo nto uhamba eyithetha ebantwini. Kangangokuba ude athi kufuneka uthandaziswe.

Nonceba:
Uyandiqhela! Yazi uyandiqhela uNoThemba.

(pause)

Mother:
Masimyeke ke lo Tesh wakho ke ntombi. Khawutsho, uzakuba naye nini umntwana?

Nonceba:
Yho mama

Mother:
(abruptly)Yho mama ntoni? Yinyani ukuthi awuzali?

Nonceba:
Hayi mama. Kaloku mna nomfundisi siya condomiser.

Mother:
(With sudden burst of shock) Intoni!!! Usebenzisa icondom xa ulala nomfundisi? Yinto owakhe wayiva phi leyo? Ikhona lo nto ebhayibhileni ukuba ulale nomfundisi nge condom.

Umfundisi uthini yena akugqiba ukuba ngumntu omkhulu ecaweni – esindisiwe? Ngama nyala antoni la ndiwevayo zizwe zakwa Jola?

Nonceba:
Umfundisi ndadibana naye emdala kakhulu kunam. Kwaye umfundisi ungumntu othanda ukuya erenkini. Yintoni le ingaka ayenzayo erenkini. Ndadibana naye engu noteksi. Nawe ke mama uyabazi oonoteksi ukuthanda kwabo amantomazana. Ngaphezu koko, umfundisi uyathanda ukuhambela abantu becawe, ndibe ndisazi ke mna ukuba amantombazana ecawe ayamtatazelela.

Mother:
Ngumhlola obomvu zizwe zika Sirayeli!!! Lonke elixesha utshate nomfundisi ugcine amabibi anje ngengilosi yeZulu? Ubumtshatele ntoni umntwana wabantu xa unezizinto zimbi kangaka uzifukamileyo ngaye? Zange ndiyive into enje.

Mamela ke sanalwam. Njengokuba kukudala nje ndabhalisa wena kwii insurances zam, ndiyacinga ukuba noko ngoku umdala kufuneka ndikukhuphe. Ndifuna umzukulwana endizakufaka yena, not wena. Andikwazi kungabi namzukulwana ntombi. Amanye amaxhewukazi ayateketisa, athuma abazukulwana, abona abazukulwana befunda – ndingotheni mna (she exits with anger. Nonceba follows her, heart broken).


Scene Three

(Umfundisi is on the phone, angry at the way the printers printed the baptismal certificates. He enters already talking?)

Mfundisi:
Hayi, hayi, hayi, mhlekazi. Leyo asinto sivumelenengayo. Ndithe ndifuna izitifkeyt eziyi 54, wathi wena ufuna i R162. Kutheni ngoku sewundinika izitifkeyt eziyi 29?
(pause)
Soze! Awukwazi kunyusa imali sendithumele i order. Undinika 54 certificates, or undinika imali yam back. (the wife enters)

Futhi, andiyifuni le nto yenu yokundenzela izitifkeyt ezi yellow. Thina sisebenzisa uBlue no White!
Andifuni na lento yokuthunelwa izitifkeyt late. Ndizifuna by Friday
(pause)
Jonga tata, into yokuphela kwe ink asiyongxaki yam, mna ndifuna 54 certificates, or imali yam back (drops the phone)

(to the wife) Wakhe wasiva isigezo esinje. Umntu anyuse imali ngokuthanda kwakhe. Ndimnikile imali ngendlela esivumelene ngayo, ngoku uthetha into ayithandayo.

Nonceba:
Benziwa yi lento ingabo bodwa esibasenzisayo kwizinto zethu.

Mfundisi:
Hayi kanti nkosikazi, ndizakuba tshintsha.

Nonceba:
Kulo nyaka uphelileyo babhala amagama abantwana wrong(o). UAsanda wabuya enguLusanda. Ndizicaphukela ndingubani iingoma zika Lusanda.

Mfundisi:
Hayi ke nawe uyaqala. Eyokuba uLusanda angavumi ucule ekwayarini yakhe mayingabi yona nto ozakumzondela yona. UYesu ufundisa uxolo novelwano. UYesu ungumxolelanisi. Funda nawe ke ukuxolela.

Nonceba:
(Not really convinced). Ndiyakuva tata.
Khawutsho, athini amalungiselelo ophehlelelo?

Mfundisi:
(Excited) Nkosikazi, oonke amadada asemigceni yawo. Izinto zimi ngoo nina, kushote nje kufike olwasuku, kuphehlelelwe iintsana.
Zonke ii circuit ziyeza, ngaphandle nje kwale ka Mfundis’uMvandaba.

Nonceba:
Iyawayintoni ngoku ngelixhego? Ude afe nini khona uMvandaba?

Mfundisi:
Umfundisi uMvandaba zange aphinde andithande emva kwala meeting wakhutshwa kuyo kwisikhundla sobu chairman. Kuye ingathi ndim lo wamkhuphayo. Bendifuna kanti ukuba abekho kule komiti, noba ulilungu nje. Unamava kaloku umfundisi. Sekunzima nokuba aphendule ii calls zam, unika inkosikazi yakhe, okanye umntwana, kuthiwe akekho.

Nonceba:
Sukuzihlupha ngezizinto ngathi ngamathumelo. Ukuba zonke izinto zingendlela, nantso into efunekayo.

Mfundisi:
Inye nje into engade ihlale kakuhle apha kum.

Nonceba:
Yintoni na tata (with deep sympathy. The priest’s expression also changes to sad).

Mfundisi:
Le yokuba umfundisi Njolobe abe senomntwana. Umfundisi Njolobe mncinci kunam ngeminyaka eyi 11. Wabekwa ndim ebefundisi. Utshatiswa ndim. Ndingumntu otheni lo ungekhe abe namntwana.
Kule ngqungquthela sivela kuyo, xa bekubizwa abefundisi, umfundisi ngamnye ebephakama nentsapho yakhe, mna ndiphakama nawe kuphela. Iyanditya lonto, kwaye nabantu bayathetha – and bathetha ngakhona.

Nonceba:
(with sadness and sympathy) Besisandukuthetha ngalonto nomama izolo. Nam ndiyamfuna umntwana kuba nomama uyamfuna

Mfundisi:
(exhilarated) Uyabona ke nkosikazi (hugging)! UThixo woxolo akhulule! Sendi nawo namagama apha kum entloko. Ukuba yinkwenkwe lo mntwana uzakuba ngu Immanuel, gama elo elithetha ukuthi uThixo unathi.

Nonceba:
(Excited too) O’ tata, ingathi ndiyambona uImmanuel etakataka apha endlini, ehamba echitha zinto, esela ziparaffin kunzima. Ingathi ndiyambona sele emdala ekuleqa kuba esithi undiphethe kakubi, phofu wena sele ulixhego eligobileyo

Mfundisi:
Hayi nkosikazi, uImmanuel uzakuba yingelosi entle elungileyo, umntwana ozakumthanda, kwaye amoyike uThixo.

Nonceba:
Ingaske angabi nale ntloko yakho, intloko enamaduma.

Mfundisi:
Ingaske angabina lenqondo yakho, ingqondo enendzondo.
O’ ingathi ndiyambona simjingisa, wena ubambe kule ngalo ingapha, mna ndibame kwenye ingalo.

Nkosikazi, masimenze lo mntwana.

Nonceba:
Ndiyavuya tata side safikelela kwesisigqibo. Lo nto ithetha ukuba sizakuyeka ukusebenzisa i condom

Mfundisi:
Very good nkosikazi. Zange ndiyithande le condom kwase kuqaleni. Mna iyandisokolisa

Nonceba:
Yi lonto kufune siye eklinik siyo tsalisa igazi sijonge ukuba akekho na apha kuthi one ntsholongwane

Mfundisi:
(changes facial expression to a mixture of deep sadness and partial anger) Uyabona ke nkosikazi, kweli ityeli ndiyala. Wawuthe masisebenzise i condom, ndayenza lo nto ixesha elide. Wathi masishiye i mission sizo hlala apha kowenu ndayenza lonto. Ndihleli apha kowenu ndisakha elikhaya. Wathi mandingakhi kwela nxiwa salinikwa ngu Sibonda. Namhlanje elanxiwa liseyindawo yokudlala abantwana. Wathi mandiyeke ukusebenza erenkini, lo nto ndayenza.

Kweli ityeli ndiyala.

Ukuba awufuni sibe naye umntwana, ndizakuhamba ndiye esitratweni ndiyokufuna umntwana.

Nonceba:
La ntombi yakho yala lali ingaphesheya yabulawa yi ntoni? Kuthe abantu bangazange bavunyelwe ukuya emngcwabeni? Kuthini ungazange uye wena kuqala kula mngcwabo?

Mfundisi:
UThemba wabulawa yintoni?

Nonceba:
Uyayazi ukuba uThemba wabulawa yi cancer.

Mfundisi:
Xa umfuna umntwana ndiza kuva ngawe (he exits)

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